


A fools aftermath

by Sad_doki_doki (Wayward_Worms)



Series: Angst brainworms [6]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: (for Akechi), Eating Disorders, Emetophobia, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Out of Character, Underlying mental illness, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:00:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24584194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wayward_Worms/pseuds/Sad_doki_doki
Summary: “Your doing this to feel in control? Control over what? Control over your body? Control over what you can eat? What are you trying to control?”
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira
Series: Angst brainworms [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1883593
Kudos: 57





	A fools aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This is a vent fic. I’ve been struggling with my ED again, and my counselor had told me on many occasions that writing shit like this out in fanfics can help file through my feelings a little better.  
> Goro is struggling with Bulimia, but refuses to see it that way. He just thinks that being in control over something is a safe way to cope, even though we all know it really isn’t.

Two manicured fingers pressed flush against the back of Goros throat. He kept them there, gagging around them.  
This had become his semi-norm.  
Giving a weak belch, he removed his fingers, grasping for any sort of purchase against the bricked wall.  
His sick splattered against the dirty ground and his shoes, groaning internally at the fact he’d have to find some way to clean them off before he returned to the back alley cafe.  
He heaved again, backing his feet up this time around.

He wasn’t used to doing this outside. Normally, he’d be hunched over either the news stations secluded toilet, or Leblancs toilet, when Akira had left the premise to get groceries or whatever snack item he needed late in the evening.

Puking a few alleys away from Leblanc was a whole new experience for him.

It wasn’t as though he was bulimic or had any underlying illnesses.  
He did it for the rush. The sick twisted rush from forcing anything and everything out of his body.

Shaking, Goro pressed his sweaty forehead against the grating alley wall, attempting to calm his nerves.

“Empty?”

Goro stilled, panic coursing through his veins. He had been caught.

“You could say that.”  
Goro shifted his weight from one foot to the other, eyes focused on his sick.

“It’s not healthy to do that, you know? Forcing yourself to throw up that is.”

“I’m aware.”

He pushed himself off the wall, turning to face his boyfriend.

Akira stood under a flickering lamp post. Goro could see the tear tracks on the ravenettes face. Eyes red and nose flared.  
Hurt was very aware in the younger boys expression.

Guilt formed in the empty pit of his stomach. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hoodie sleeve, Goro took baby steps towards his boyfriend.

The closer he got, the more debauched Akira looked. He was still clad in his lounge wear, dawning a cardigan and flip flops.  
Akira wipes once more at his face, before returning his glasses to his face.  
Goro hadn’t even noticed the boy hold them in his hand when he first made contact with him.

“If there’s something wrong, tell me. I wasn’t expecting to find you in the fucking alleyway throwing your guts up when you told me you had to use the bathroom.” Akira began to ramble, more tears making themselves apparent.

“But you lied. I could hear the cafe door open over the movie.” Akira hiccuped.

“Please, Goro.”

His stomach hurt. The guilt settling there churned what little stomach acid he had left.

“It’s,,”

He didn’t even have an a excuse for what he was doing.  
How the fuck was he going to explain to his boyfriend that the reason he snuck out was to feel a rush.

“It’s what?”

He swallowed, throat raw.

“I.. I don’t have an eating disorder, if that’s what your thinking.”  
Great start.

“I do it to feel,, something,, I’m not sure what it is, but it makes me feel-“

“In control?”

He swallowed thickly.

“I guess?”

They stood their for a few minutes, silence washing over them.

Akira was the first to do anything. He sobbed.  
He sobbed In response.

“Your doing this to feel in control? Control over what? Control over your body? Control over what you can eat? What are you trying to control?” He choked on his last word, coughing.

Sighing, Goro moved to hug Akira, keeping the boy flush to his chest.  
Akira gripped at Goros jacket, burying his face further into the fabric.

“I don’t know what’s truly wrong, but I want you to be able to trust me. I know this past year has been difficult, but I want you to know your able to talk to me. But I don’t want to see you hurting yourself, especially since Sae was able to get you a job, and Boss let you move in. I don’t want to loose you. I don’t wanna risk loosing you.” Akiras sobs teetered out, hiccuping taking the reins.

“I didn’t risk my life saving you, just for you to throw it back away. I don’t mean to be selfish.”

“I know.”  
It was pathetic, but it was all he could muster.

“I wasn’t lying when I said I wanted to feel In control. It’s- I wanted-“ Akechi bit his tongue, tangling his hands in Akiras cardigan.  
He couldn’t think of a response.

Outside of feeling a sick rush, he really had no further explanations.

“I’ll stop. I promise I’ll stop.”

The ravenette gave a weak nod, burying his face into the crook of Goros neck.  
“I don’t want you to think I’m selfish. Whatever your dealing with must be a lot to have you sneaking away to do,, this.”  
Akira pulled his head back to rub at his snotty nose.

“Why don’t we head back to the cafè and finish the movie. Tomorrow we can discuss why you feel the need to control your,,”  
Akiras gulped, nodding his head towards the alley.  
“Control whatever that is. I want you to be honest with me though. Even if you don’t have the right word for what this is, you can explain what leads to your purging and we can go from there.”

Nodding weakly, Goro wrapped his arms tighter around his boyfriends body.

“Alright.”


End file.
